The Bone Spur Cavalry
The President did not like horses but did like riding, as it involved telling the horse what to do, giving him a sense of power. Galloping into a fight also appealed to him (as long as he did not fight himself–he had bone spurs preventing military service. During the one war where he was eligible for the draft, the President’s podiatrist ruled him ineligible for military service because he had bone spurs. The bone spurs did not prevent him from spending decades on golf courses–he used carts, although on his own courses uses horses, wrecking the greens.)
Horses and bone spurs led to the President one day, while watching TV, to create the Bone Spur Cavalry.
He offered spots in the Cavalry to rich and powerful folks who had bone spurs, at least during wartime. He put a cavalry officer in charge who had a really great mustache, like Theodore Roosevelt, also once in the cavalry. None of the Bone Spur Cavalry rode horses. They piloted fighter jets with lethal weapons against which no enemy had a chance. They were first sent to intercept speedboat drug runners, blasting them to bits. Which they were able to do sitting down in their pilots’ seats so their feet would not ache.
The President celebrated his Bone Spur Cavalry’s victories, giving them medals and pardons (technically their killing was illegal.) The Bone Spur Cavalry grew and soon the President had it interdicting drug runners on the nation’s highways, then in the cities (collateral damage was a handy catch phrase when describing the lowering of illegal drug use.)
All of which enraged the nation’s illegal drug users. Which were about half the country. Some supported the President’s policies but now he was stomping on their turf. Furious, they formed DOPE (Drugs Over People Everywhere) and launched counter attacks, blowing illegal smoke at the fighter jets (quickly abandoned) and progressing to drugging the water supplies of the local bases (very effective.)
Soon the Bone Spur Cavalry refused to fight, preferring to watch TV and eat salty snacks, especially after some of them tried to fly but crashed. The Bone Spur Cavalry became history and the President sulked, but within weeks unveiled the Sycophant Swashbucklers. As for the President, he revelled in ordering killings without having to even leave his office.