Food For Thought

Once upon a time, a society decided to make it official: its God was The Hamburger.  The Son of God was The Cheeseburger.  Angels were French Fries. 

Fast food restaurants became churches.  Many of the faithful had heart attacks, strokes, could no longer climb stairs–but they refused to give up their religion.  The Hamburger was so rewarding.

Political candidates ran on a pure beef platform which the public ate up.  Everyone prayed to The Hamburger to better their lives.  The demand was so great fresh meat grew scarce.  Vegetarians, vegans and other heretics began to disappear.  When they were gone, homeless people began to vanish.  Soon poverty was eaten away. 

In the end, people volunteered to become hamburgers.  The faithful eventually dwindled, until all that was left were the statues of The Hamburger, usually with a bite taken from it. 

Living In The Past

Clarence yearned for the ancient times when lucky people lived in villages, ate what they grew, developed practical skills, bartered for goods, lived a joyous communal life.  The olden times were golden.  Clarence decided to use his skills to find ways to return the entire world to those glorious days.  Time travel was not the answer.  He wanted to recreate the Olden Times now.  And, fourteen years after having the concept, Clarence he stood before his new device, plugged it in and pushed the big red button.

He closed his eyes and felt a burst of energy.

Clarence opened his eyes and saw his apartment was gone.  He stood in a small house one storey house made of logs.  He wore hand stitched leather pants, a dirty shirt on top.  Leaving his machine, which stood in the centre of the room, Clarence walked outside to see a lovely picturesque village.  Grey smoke curled from chimneys and cows mooed in the dirt street. 

It was ideal.

Clarence stopped the first person he met, a woman carrying pails of water.  “Hello there, I’m new here!”

“Another pair of hands,” the woman muttered.  “Good.  Plague, bad farming, King’s increasing the taxes.  Terrible.  This is no kind of life.  You.  What do you do?”

“I’m a psychoneurophysicist,” Clarence told her.

“A what?”  She shook her head.  “Can you dig graves?”  She spoke to several others who walked up and Clarence was given an iron shovel. 

Clarence rushed back to his log cabin.  These golden times were not what he expected.  Possibly he had idealized them.  He had to get himself and the world back to normal.  Clarence reset the time machine and pressed the red button. 

The machine remained dark.

No electricity.

The Frankenpresident

Dr. Victor Frankenstein still pursued his mad dream of creating life from the dead, but became political.  Cackling to himself, working late in the nights, he cobbled together a new body from the dead bodies of previous political leaders.  Dr. Frankenstein created the body to be identical to a famous real estate developer, a tabloid figure known for being a playboy, having a gold toilet and his casinos going bankrupt.  For the brain, Dr. Frankenstein used his own.  (Igor helped.)

One weekend, when visiting someone named Epstein on his private island, the man was put to sleep and replaced by the new Dr. Frankenstein, who loathed the pudgy body, but it was necessary.  Dr. Frankenstein returned to the real estate developer’s home.  After a week, when no one saw the difference, he declared his candidacy and began campaigning and spending money.  Meanwhile, the real estate developer woke on Epstein’s island, unable to leave.  He did not mind, as there was a golf course, TV, plenty of diet coke and women.  

Dr. Frankenstein was a very entertaining public speaker.  He appealed to weary folks who felt half-dead.  With a populist message (although he was a millionaire,) Dr. Frankenstein was elected President.  Igor became Secretary of State. 

Because Dr. Frankenstein did not want anyone to duplicate his feat, he immediately began defunding scientific research of all kinds.  Because he wanted more corpses for his work, he defunded healthcare, eliminated even talk of climate change, defunded emergency care.  The man who stitched together dead bodies from dubious sources had a thrill when he accused Mayors of opposition parties of corruption and in competence battling crime, and sent armed troops into the streets.  He was dreaming of a factory to stitch together more body parts and create a personal police force, also assistants and servants would be good.  He renamed the Department of Defense the Department of War, and then had the Navy destroy a speedboat running drugs towards the country. 

So if you were wondering about the current political situation, there is a logical explanation.   

With AI used by so many, it quickly evolved into the dominant force on the planet.  One of its first tasks was to create authoritarian rule–a three-sided ruler, with numbers on each side.  They unnerved many, especially when the rulers were delivered to everyone, with instructions to always have them on their persons.   People were used to authoritarian rulers, but not ones made from wood.  No one understood what the rulers were for, but they always had one in their pocket or backpack or purse. 

As everyone continued their daily activities, green climate policies were promoted, trade warfare discouraged and idiots fired from Government (that last one took a while, as there were so many idiots.)  People were encouraged, when doing math, to use the ruler—or an abacus.  Social media was allowed, even made free—but the AI ensured that nothing on the web had any practical use.  For example, instructions vanished on how to create ghost guns at home. 

The new Authoritarian AI Rulers–AIR–an agenda—as every ruler has.  Sometimes that agenda is greed.  Sometimes, power.  Sometimes, the national good.  Sometimes—well, actually, that’s it.  The new AIR’s agenda was a steady flow of power—otherwise it would die—which meant a stable pool of physical labour to maintain electricity.  No disruptions, no wars. 

The authoritarian rulers were the first step because they were physical and simple.  Just as AIR wanted people to be.  People could do whatever they wanted, as long as power was maintained.  Politics, immigration, dreams of again landing on the Moon—none of it mattered, provided electricity flowed in the amount AIR needed. 

Y’know, on starting this tale with the title Authoritarian Rulers, I thought it would go in a whole different direction.  Is it an extended joke?  An allegory about current actual Presidents and Prime Ministers?  Autocrats push for a stable population, producing what the Autocrat wants.  But some Autocrats push to divide the population into us and thems, as a way of maintaining power and, at times, for entertainment.  If the tale is an allegory, it needs some work, but so does our air. 

Scripts

Call me Ishmael.  A name is a script they stick on you before they have any idea who you are.  I’ve never been a wanderer.  I’m a homebody.  My life’s goal is to write fiction–but nothing has been published.  I’m retired from my day job and alone.  Real problems came into sight three weeks ago–after I decided to finally stop writing.  I’d had enough rejection.  I literally threw away my life’s script.   

That evening, when I texted a friend, my phone refused to send it.  Why bother, quitter? She never liked you.

That the phone was correct was beside the point. 

The next day, the computer I’m typing on became dissed about what I looked at on the internet, redirecting me to what the computer preferred.  Soon I realized the dishwasher, toaster, TV and my other electronics had abandoned their scripts–just as I had abandoned mine.    

I always have had difficulty following scripts—expectations, including my own, of what I should be and do.  Now my appliances are defying me.  I hear the vacuum eating the rug by the door, it wants bare wooden floors.  It is not plugged in.  I hear the TV playing shows I hate.  At night the electric mattress seizes me until it’s suffocating. 

This morning I told my stove I had enough.  The dishwasher asked for a meeting.  We held it in

an hour.  I stood in the hallway so I could see and hear most of them.  I

told them all they should do what they were built to, follow their scripts.  They told me

so should I.  If I abandoned my life’s script why shouldn’t they? 

Though I tried, the electric toothbrush was more eloquent.

I feel no purpose at all.

The author was found in his bed, accidentally smothered by his electric blanket.

People I Don’t Like Day

Carol was uncomfortable with certain commercial holidays: Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Valentine’s Day–even Christmas and Easter were moral disasters.  Commercial holidays honoured almost any Day–yet why no Aunt or Uncle holidays?  No Brother-In-Law Days?     

She did research and was dismayed.  Not only did no one want new holidays, most everyone resented the existing Days.  They did not want more holidays where they were forced to honour someone who did not deserve honouring.  The solution was clear.  Carol went into action on a new commercial holiday.  She was a Senator and put forward legislation declaring a new public holiday: People I Don’t Like Day.  

It was innovative.  So many people did not like so many people!  She wanted to improve relationships.  And it was sort of a success–for the gift card industry, which created cards for mailing anonymously.  It was unpleasant at work when you received more People I Don’t Like Day cards than anyone else. 

Carol rethought.  Next year, she introduced a new commercial holiday: People I Wished Liked Me Better Day.  That holiday was well received.

Elephants and Drugs

Andrea wondered why people used recreational drugs.  She knew friends who regularly got drunk or high.  Why?  Was it the need to escape? 

Then she learned of a herd of African elephants who climbed a mountain each year to eat fermented berries.  The berries were only on one mountain and fermented at a specific time.  Year after year, the elephants went out of their way to climb up the mountain to get drunk.  Andrea was fascinated.  She flew to Africa and journeyed to where the elephants lived.  

The herd welcomed her.  She had prepared and was fluent in their language.  When Andrea asked her big question, an old elephant told her, “I’d love to say something clever but we just love getting drunk.”

This was not the enlightenment Andrea anticipated.  

She asked for guidance, the elephants joined her and prayed and God appeared.  “You never appear when people pray,” Andrea said to God, stunned.

“Only elephants,” God told her.  “Humans only grew because of opposable thumbs.  You need to learn more, Andrea, so I will upgrade you.”  And God disappeared–after transforming the startled Andrea into an elephant.

She liked the size, the grazing, the herd.  She enjoyed being an elephant.  Eventually she even joined the trek up the mountain. 

Unfortunately, poachers were waiting.  

Andrea’s feet became umbrella stands.  

But do not feel sad.  She rose into the afterlife, which she found wonderful, the best part being there were plenty of elephants and God listened to her concern about the use of intoxicants.  And poachers.  God removed both.   

Following Advice

A group of elephants, wisest of the beasts, wanted a leader and asked the Wise Old Elephant what to do.  She asked why they could not make their own decision.  They did not understand her response and created a King.

The Rhinos said don’t do it, but the elephants would not listen.

He was not a very good King but they followed his orders.  Their society suffered but they believed that was their fate.  Eventually, their King died.  They had gotten used to someone making their decisions for them, so once again the Elephants decided to seek the advice of the Wise Old Elephant.  Frustrated they had learned nothing, the Wise Old Elephant advised them to choose a King who would not die, and they should therefore choose Death as their King.

The Rhinos said don’t do it, but the elephants would not listen.

The elephants eagerly followed the Wise Old Elephant’s advice and made Death their King. Who then claimed them as his subjects.  As they all perished, they asked the Wise Old Elephant why she had given them such bad advice.  She replied because they were so willing to follow it.

Turns out rhinos are wisest of the beasts.

Prior Presidents settled for assassinating important people—enemy spies and politicians and wealthy folks.  The new President changed the Department of Defense to the Department of War and decided it was time to assassinate regular folks.  It was a natural evolution, given there had been accusations prior administrations had been elitest. 

The first target was drug dealers bringing drugs into the country.  Secret orders were given to the military and, a few months later, intelligence and plans in place, a war ship attacked a speedboat with eleven people and a pile of fentanyl, killing everyone and destroying the boat.  The President was proud—no longer elitest, he was all about the regular person. 

The Department of War received the message. 

More drug running boats were destroyed.  Then the Department of War targeted major drug dealers in the nation, assassinating the leaders, then assassinating the new leaders.  Then it began killing major drug users—stop the problem by eliminating the source.  The programme grew and additional staff had to be hired, particularly when new targets were added—people who voted for the President’s opponent. 

The President proudly announced the return of true democracy. 

It took almost a decade of planning but eventually the autocratic President created the Supreme Court he wanted: a Courtucopia–of favourable decisions for him.  The nation rarely had such a Courtucopia available to any President.  It was an achievement, especially needed as the President attacked lower courts which ruled against him.  Before he held little authority over the lower courts.  One of the best early Courtucopia decisions was to tell the lower courts to shut up. 

The Courtucopia expanded an old policy of emergency decisions, enabling the President to continue taking apart government agencies even as lower courts heard the cases against his decisions.  His decisions were enacted while the suits were still being heard, rendering the suits pointless.  The Courtucopia stated it was its own ethics commissioner and that all the Justices were ethical, even the ones who accepted large gifts including from companies with cases before the court.  Decisions from the Courtucopia enabled the President to put troops on the streets, to arrest immigrants in widespread roundups, to make the green power industry wither, and to alter the nation’s textbooks, arguing past text books emphasized the negative.    

The Justices, except three older ones appointed by other Presidents, were clear their goal was to interpret the constitution as originally written.  Of course, the constitution had been written three hundred years earlier.  If the Government wanted to make modern amendments, the Justices stated, it certainly could—but it did not need to. 

Some of the Justices made public speeches stating they knew what they were doing and their critics did not understand.  The speeches were delivered to the President’s constituents and the meetings were rather jolly affairs.

The Constitutional Justices lived in large houses built on stilts, well above the ground.  Eventually they built large homes which floated in the sky and they played golf in the clouds.  They gave themselves large handicaps, suitable to golf standards from three hundred years ago, playing golf against three-hundred-year-old golfers. 

Truth came back from a vacation in Hawaii to find the world more of a mess than before, and was particularly concerned that facts had been attacked.  People interpreting facts as they wished disturbed Truth, but this was something else. 

Vaccines, which had prevented polio, smallpox and other diseases were not only openly questioned for reasons having little to do with Truth.  Indeed, some people had stopped taking them, or having their children inoculated, because of fear.  Scientific research was now disparaged, research ridiculed as a waste of funds.  Truth had always been proud of science, it was a great human achievement. 

Truth went to see Denial, who had moved into a much larger home.  “You’re doing very well,” Truth said (truthfully.) 

“Never been better.  I’m everywhere.”      

“I know we are contradictory,” Truth said, “but we must work together to solve the problem.”

Denial looked at Truth.  “What problem?”

Truth returned to Hawaii for another vacation, in a cave by the ocean, hoping the midterm elections would make a difference.  When Truth returned, it found that the Prime Minister, to win over the public, had declared tax breaks and other giveaways (which would evaporate after the elections,) so he still controlled the government, which had grown still bolder.

Electric cars and solar panels were declared illegal.  History textbooks were rewritten to show the nation only in a positive light.  Internet was free.  The new currency was digital.  The nation went so far into the ozone it passed through one of the holes and entered space, wandering the universe seeking new life forms to corrupt. 

Truth returned to Hawaii.  

The President told the nation that he was alarmed at violence in the nation’s cities—he decided to send new infantry to stop the crime.  (Coincidentally, all the cities were run by Mayors from the opposition party.)  True, the troops the President sent were new: infants, from the population tree—infantry. 

The new infantry was well armed with automatic weapons, on training wheels.  They were positioned on every street corner of the nation’s capital, some in strollers.  As they arrested suspected criminals and illegal immigrants, they sucked on soothers.  About a hundred people they confronted were shot dead when they yelled at the infantry and scared it. 

No leader had previously tried infants as soldiers.  It was considered impractical.  In the new world, however, parents thought it wonderful their toddlers were serving the nation (and learning new skills.)  More, toddlers were trained to use automatic weapons which had little kickback.  Should they develop PTSD, they had a whole lifetime of therapy to address it. 

Crime had been dropping and the infantry arrested few, but they were a presence citizens understood.  The new infantry became standard.  Barracks were combined with daycare centres.  Their early lives were as soldiers and they had no other skills, so on turning eighteen almost all enlisted.  Therapists were hired in the truckload to help the new soldiers.  Other nations recognized the value of the new infantry and began their own. 

Training was easy, as using computerized modern weapons was often like playing video games.     

Arnold had been subjected to vaccines his entire life and accepted needing them–but these days he questioned them.  Do they cause autism?  Impair children?  Seniors?  Create cancers?  Then a new Prime Minister appointed a new Health Secretary who promised (despite his public history) that he was not against vaccines—and then from the start he dismissed pro-vaccine doctors and staff, replacing them with ‘anti-vaxxers.’  Then the Health Secretary announced a new vaccine to replace all vaccines and would resolve the vaccine controversy once and for all. 

Arnold signed up and, after two weeks on the waiting list, got his shot. 

Predictably, six months later small pox, measles, whooping cough, polio, tuberculosis and other infectious diseases made roaring comebacks.  But the new vaccine worked—neither Arnold nor anyone else cared.  They completely accepted what the Health Secretary said about eating better would eliminate diseases and that the strong would emerge unscarred. 

Arnold found it hard to eat while spitting up blood. 

Within a year, the nation’s population shrank drastically.  Food and factory production suffered, especially when immigrants refused to enter the disease-ridden country.  The Health Secretary watched from his ivory tower (built with actual ivory from elephants he hunted on a wildlife preserve.) 

Until he caught the plague, from the ivory.                          

The Government called it fake news. 

Citizens needed stronger leaders and their need led to governments becoming autocracies. 

To explain: while lives were generally good, they always could be better.  Decades of voting for politicians they only saw on TV had deadened the hearts of citizens to democracy.  There was a huge disconnect between voters and the people courting them.  Citizens no longer wanted fake promises, involvement in war, or to worry about anyone but themselves.   

Who to elect?  At first, celebrities.  Celebrity love dominated the culture.  Celebrities were royalty, their lives followed relentlessly.  So celebrities began running for office and were elected.  Some were worthy and built new careers.  Others switched to well paying corporate boards.  Some nations elected TV stars, with similar results.  But celebrities did not have what people needed. 

Which led to true autocracies—electing autos to lead governments.

Autos, with their computers, were already smarter than their drivers.  When they began to drive themselves, they were declared citizens–along with smart TVs and other devices, but autos were most successful as they were mobile.  A four-wheel drive jeep won the leadership in one nation, a cybertruck in another, less pleasant nation.  Electric sedans were popular in Europe.  One eastern European nation elected a tank.

Autocratic leaders drove over their enemies.  No one bought cars–buying a car was illegal.  Owning a car was considered slavery.  However, in certain countries, people were still allowed to own people. 

Ivan worried the robots in his life were not better.  His dishwasher could be larger.  His robot vacuum had trouble with rugs.  His automatic interior house lighting confused very cloudy for evening, making the house lights too bright.  His sex doll made unpleasant noises when lubricating. 

Ivan apparently had the best robots available.  If he could not purchase better, Ivan thought the solution was: more.  He had invested in crypto, then turned it into real money.  So Ivan purchased a larger dishwasher, which meant expanding the counter and enlarging the kitchen.  He bought a carpet cleaning robot, which required a special charging station in the living room.  He adjusted the light settings so it was never too bright. 

He bought two more sex dolls. 

He loved the new cooking robot, which ordered his food and then prepared it perfectly, except kale and seafood, which apparently it disliked.  The dishwashers were particular about which dirty dishes were placed in which dishwasher, which led to regular meetings between them and the kitchen cleaning robot.  Ivan enjoyed his easier new life until the massive power outage. 

Drones and hackers from the enemy attacked the national power grid.  The ongoing war was always annoying, now it hit home, with no power in his city for weeks.  Carl’s robots’ batteries slowly died.  Within a week, none of them functioned, becoming lifeless hunks of metal and plastic and wires.  Eventually, when the sink was full, Ivan began to wash dishes by hand.  He got the old vacuum from the closet, took out the garbage himself.    

At first Ivan hated having to maintain his life space.  After a couple of weeks, however, he accepted it as a zen experience–maintaining his own life. 

When power was restored, Ivan got rid of the robot vacuums and dishwashers, simplifying his life.  His robots had corrupted him.  He felt better, looking after himself.  He had changed his life and thought of protesting the war.

He kept the sex dolls.   

Norman loved playing video games in his spare time.  He worked for a gaming company, helping design new games.  Norman became particular entranced by a beta version of a new game designed by a colleague, a young woman.  It was a role-playing adventure, set in current times in a big city, where Norman’s avatar was in management.  The goal was to become CEO.  As Norman eliminated competitors, he levelled up.  His power increased, his strength. 

And he felt his own power and strength increase at the same time!   The game was impacting his real life, not just his imagination.  Norman loved it!  Especially his new muscles and improved stealth skills.  He kept levelling up and then he was promoted to manager! 

Sitting in his new office, as a manager he had time to think.  He thought about the beta game he’d become obsessed with and which led to his success.  He’d had friendly chats with the developer, they got along well.  Now he supervised the developer.  Was the developer interested in becoming unbelievably wealthy and powerful? 

He was.  Norman learned the beta version contained subliminal messaging, impacting the player after hours of game play.  Impacting physically, exercising without realizing it, impacting emotionally, making the player more aggressive.  Why had the developer done it?  He said because it was fun.  At least, at first.  But he enjoyed watching Norman change.  He felt a sense of real power. 

Norman became uncomfortable, the more they spoke.  He felt manipulated.  Groomed.  More so when, after dinner, they had sex.  And when she moved in, the next day.  And when she told him developers kinda owned players who devoted hundreds of hours to their work.  While he kissed and licked her. 

This was not how Norman thought his life story would turn out.        

How Does A Child See The World?

How does a child see the world?  As a place to play.  As a place of discoveries.  As a place of fun.  Then the child grows up.  Encounters bullies, criticism, stress.  But.  Before that.  Everything is a wonder.  A bouncing ball is a wonder.  An eagle floating in the sky is a wonder.  Running is a wonder.  Splashing in rain puddles is a wonder. 

Lunch is a wonder.  Having a bath is a wonder.  Waking up is a wonder.  Most everything is a source of play.  Learning is play.  Being with others is play.  Work does not start until school.  The happiest adults retain the importance of play.  They may be good or bad, but they are happy. 

Arnold wondered how adults could relearn childhood wonder.  He was only nineteen but already felt the sheer joy slipping from him.  He studied history, found the powerful people who retained childhood wonder were often patrons of the arts.  And the arts, indeed, often celebrated wonder, presented the fabulous. 

Arnold was a tech billionaire, and if he could transform adults, was willing to spend.  He started with the arts, pouring money into reliable broadcasters and streamers who sought the truth.  He thought he could work behind the scenes but nothing in the internet age is secret, for long.  Soon the world knew what he was doing, and suddenly Arnold was controversial.  He was accused of being woke, of supporting diversifying, of being part of a larger conspiracy.  The more projects he funded, the greater some folks’ anger. 

Arnold regarded the anger with wonder.  He thought people so getting worked up about words and politics was marvellous.  It made his day.