A New Climate Change
Jack was increasingly concerned about climate change. Not tornadoes or atmospheric rivers or heat waves. Jack was concerned about farts. People ate healthier, with far more fiber, resulting in a wave of farts. Riding in an elevator was often an unpleasant experience, as was being stuck in a meeting with ten people after lunch. Something had to be done.
Jack’s solution was a pill he created. A very North American solution, the pill when taken regularly would make farts smell sweet. Jack lobbied hard for legislation to be passed requiring taking the pills. However, he had not counted on the powerful fiber lobby.
They launched a counterattack, spreading fake news that the pills were dangerous, that farmers would go bankrupt, that digestive gas—the lobby avoided the word farts—did not smell that bad, was gone in a few moments, and should be appreciated as a sign of good health. A few extreme events did not mean the climate was changing.
The fiber lobby was deeply entrenched and pulled in favours. The legislation was defeated. Indeed, it was replaced by legislation requiring citizens to eat two salads each day. Fiber intake increased, pumping methane into the atmosphere until the ozone layer opened new holes, allowing solar radiation to pour through.
The industry moved to fiber vapes, but by then it was far too late.