Bernie Questions New Meds
It was not easy, being 80. Bernie naturally wondered why death from aging had not yet been cured. Was it a conspiracy? Bernie’s first thought: funeral homes, secretly lobbying to ensure business continued. Next possibility: Pharma–big pharmaceutical companies made more money keeping folks alive only temporarily, benefitting from turnover. None of these theories felt real to Bernie. Then there were the meds which got him this far.
Growing old is exhausting, every year worse. Some folks jog in their eighties, Bernie used a cane. Bernie had heart problems, digestive problems, sleep apnea and, at 80, a wide variety of other conditions. And the meds he took at times created discomfort beyond what his illnesses caused.
None of this is new—but it was new to Bernie.
His heart condition was only painful during the attack. Recovering, he dealt with tiredness–a natural impact of the meds no one warned him about. Sleep apnea kept him up at nights–one med, which also stopped his restless leg syndrome, left him so depressed he had to stop. Now a new weight loss drug left him struggling to energize himself a second time–or was it a third?
The solution was obvious: another med–a Super Med–with no side effects. A med that would reverse aging and its complications. Surely modern medical science was working hard on a condition which kills everyone. In this modern age, how was it possible aging had not been solved? Perhaps God was behind death’s dominance? Bernie prayed–no answers came. Nor from Satan. Why was death inevitable when nothing else was?
Bernie wrote popular blog posts about his concerns. The answer to his question came when an alien from outer space visited, concerned about his influential posts.
“Please stop upsetting the natural order,” the alien told him. “We want to keep humanity, you are interesting and tasty. But if you live too long, earthlings would eventually invade space like an unstoppable disease. So you croak–quickly. We live to 1,000. We could live longer, but we’ve found that’s plenty. By then we have too many regrets.”
Bernie had difficulty believing the alien, who appeared tired and unconvincing. The alien blamed its new med—it is not easy, being 932.